Fabian's World

2009-06-12T11:08:00.001-07:00

i think i am such a loser, always get into trouble with people. always so insensitive, even though i sincerely want to do something good. am i seriously stupid or wad.

oh welll........i am also getting sick of life pattern, the society pattern, the whole pattern of hurting and hurting everybody. sickening.

haiz

2009-06-05T22:52:00.001-07:00

my batch people, who have graduated, definetly congrats! but without this group of people tat has been with me in for the past 3 years.....some of them i have so much memories with.....these are the list of my batch bandies, now all oldies, which i have quite so memory with . In subsequent posts i will talk about them more in detail.

1) Ng Tiac Woo-president and walking brand
2) ONg shi CHun- jazzy president
3)Yen Yu Ting- saxy SL
4) Toh JUn LONg ah long
5) Lee YoKe chong- clarinet SL
6) LAi JuN Kun-vp smiling buddha
7) Seow wen shao-pervert
8)Yap fang yu-the laugher
9)Chai zhi chuang
10)Ng wee seng
11)RAFIDAH.......Las vegas!
12) Darren siah
13) dustin jee jee

Some of them will be going to NS real soon , without them feel so lost suddenly with all the little ones....erm....I cant deny it, I am already old bird. hope I can be of some help to them in anyway i will help.

the band is in the good hands of the new commitee, and hopefully they together with lao chiang will bring this band whom i have been in for the past 3 solid years to greater heights!

2009-05-25T08:43:00.001-07:00

its really gd to see Laoban back in action! he has not changed a wee bit, still so glamorous and so cool. he make my hands itchy to conduct again. really itchy hands.......argh, tat where my passion lies...

for those of u who appreaciate, beethoven symphony 7 by carlos kleiber is one big musical treasure that we cannot miss out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLkZvsp62iU do check this out ar! so excited by it eveyr time i watch .....will just keep wanting to jump up and down....haha.

music indeed is a wonderful exp. folks , those of u tat are in touch with it, treasure it

2009-05-18T12:46:00.000-07:00

erm....given a task at MADE and GYM. i will alternate between the 2 and slowly transit over to MADE eventually. but GYM kids are so cute. thks to all of u for friendship over the years that i hardly notice and hardly i contribute to u guys ' cause due to personal busyness and emoing always. but let me know how i can be of help yar.

will try to improve family relationship, takes time, many years maybe but will try. let see how. its a struggle tat no one understand.

I am sure sp band has a cool FO camp, I also want to congrat Mr Joel Chua for his successful efforts. band is getting bigger and bigger and more ppl are beginning to come in. I dunnoe, but should I intereact with year 1s( some of whom i have already done so). i really hope to. but well, i am such a u know wad. ok , will try hard to be prim and proper. so far the intereactions with some of them has still been generally positive, when they do know me abit better, then i will gradually be more myself, not tat i will terrorise them and swallow them of course. I ought to have other main course and desserts in life, in achievements, in personal growth. but my own unique way of expression, weird as it may be, i dun think should also purposely surpress to create goody 2 shoe kind of boonsiong image. I think that will be fake cos i am myself. but I will achieve a balance and control certain things at certain times and be myself when it really is ok. LAOBAN!!!!!!

school work is stress of cos, but will persevere.

2009-05-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

i am back here! It has been so long so long. It has been a tiring and hectic week going through SMIT and PP and psycho project.....this is my final year in poly, finally. after so much and so much and so much, i have reached 3rd year in poly and i really cant afford to screw up things with project groups or even lecturers, especially the big black one.

I have been really lonely and have been using all kinds of ways to find company, but i realised I am a loser in the end, only an irritant ......I know I am weird, I know I am a loser, and I know have not been conducting myself well to some people, but I treat everybody with genuie sincerity! No need to emphasise the lousy fact about me which I know far too well myself. look down on me....go ahead, come. some friendships may be a mistake in the first place. i will just try and conduct myself well, for the higher calling, and for my own dignity.

LAOBAN IS BACK! the legendary MR LEONARD TAN. his mere presence around the region helped ease loneliness. thanks for appreaciating even someone like me!

wonderful night I had, really enjoyed myself. hope MADE will work out, hope i will gradually fit in, and be a positive contribution.

people problem 2

2008-05-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

target audience: people in general, but band people especially

I have been having this burden in my heart recently and i havethe urge to say this. in my earlier entry about people problem, i spoke philosophically about the complexity of human nature. today, i am going to be very direct about the practical aspect of it. why are there people problem?

1)Insensitivity
the chinese says" huo chong kou chu", and i think it cant be more true. sometimes we talk without thinking. we think that we are being humourous but we are just tearing the dignity of others down. we think we are just sharing knowledge with other people but we are just flaunting our superiority against another person's inadequacies. we think that we are just being honest and direct but we are being downright blunt and nasty. we think that we are building another person up but we are just putting people down. our words are just like razor sword cutting through the heart of other people, and we dont realise it, we dont know it, we choose not to know it. this is call insensitivity.

2)oversensitivity
while we can be so careless about what we say to others, we are very conscious about what others say to us or about us. we know that we ourselves can be so insensitive to others, but yet we demand absolute correctness in the things people say about us. we stereotype ppl and make a mountain out of a mole when ppl we dun like say certain things. we always suspect tat ppl are against us, talking bad about us and are out to make life difficult for us. we torture oursleves and other people by suspecting this and tat, assuming this and tat. when we can use our brain to do something useful we dont use it. when it comes to negative encounter we choose to think so much when there really isnt much to think. we fantasize, imagine and create problems tat are not a problem in the first place. why are we so work up?

3)poor control of temperament
we live in a frustrating world and we Go through all kinds of frustration. this lfe is a frustrating life to live, but how should we deal wth frustration? we may not be the kind that throw temper in the violent way every time we are frustrated, but arent we not guilty of letting our temperament unleash itself on others? when we are frustrated we are impatient with people when we should be, we give attitude to people who HAve nothing to do with our frustration, and we unleash our emo at the most inappropriate time, and we hurt others. in our attempt to make others understand our frustration, WE FORCE THEM INTO OUR SHOE AND MAKE THEIR DAY SUCKS just like ours.

4)Gossip
gossip is the act of passing on information when u are neither part of the problem nor the solution. but tats a human tendency isnt it? before we just treat it as just something natural and instinctive, or an integral part of human nature, we should think about the effects of it. the best way to see this is to think of yourself as the object of gossip.

intelligence vs wisdom

2008-04-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

i think wisdom is a very important. it is much more important than intelligence. in our society, we have no lack of intelligence and competence, there are lots of people year in year out that can get ery good grades for maths and sciences, whether at the secondary school and tetiary level, and lots of successful business people make big bucks every year with the good market strategy.

But why ,despite all the success people are able to achieve with their intellectual rescource, many people are still not Happy and the sense of emptiness ultimately set in even when all that could HAve been accomplished are done?

i believe this is due to a simple fact that the human soul is designed to desire for good relationship with those around us as well as to relate with our own kind well and engage in meaningful reltionship. this is where wisdom comes in.

without wisdom , we will have 2 problems with people.

1)constant conflict
this is bound to happen when we do not know how to think from other people perspective and put ourselves in other people shoes.
this happens when we are shortsighted and only see our short-term goals and fail to realise that good relationship with others ultimately reap long term benefit.
It also happens due to our foolish behaviours when we behave badly towards other people in naiveness and insensitvity.

2) lack of in depth relationship
i believe the root of all good relationship is really wisdom. i believe relationship is ultimately about us putting ourselves in putting shoe, seeing from other people perspective and expressing ourselves well in the way we relate with people. all these need wisdom.

people problem

2008-03-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

target audience: anybody that call yourself a person. ( or to say it more crudely, a human)

Erm.......i Have not updated my blog for quite a while, haha. i am not t regular kind of blogger, but i am tat kind tat once i blog i want to blog big things. HaHa.

i believe u agree with me that human relationship is one of the most complex form science as well as art tat ever exist.

yes its science becos there are alot of rules and regulations or "laws of functioing", as you may call it. much like the law of equilibrium, law of gravity and the pythgores therom, some laws in human relationship (sometimes) work in very strict absolute and the principles behind them are so impregnanable. the laws of human relationship far outnumber
the law of science though they are all unwritten.

Human relationship is also at the same time an art becos of its expressive and unpredictable nature. the infinite forms it can take and the infinite combinations
of possible outcomes u can get when u put (just) 2 person together to relate with each other. the emotional component of human relationship makes it far beyond the understanding of science and intellect.

the irony of it lies in its dual nature. there are laws of governing it but yet there are infinite outcome. there are moral laws teaching us how to relate to people but yet u never know for sure how ur relationship with people will turn out.

HaHa. this is my first prt on this topic. this is the most chim part i being very idealistic and philosophical, but the subsequent parts i will relate whatever i HAv written here to practical life stituation and u will know y i say wad u say here. muacks. goodnight

how to grow taller

2008-02-14T04:09:00.000-08:00

target audience: miss amanda lau

grow taller is a dream? haha. for me its just a fantasy, but nevethelsss, i will post this entry and dedicate to someone who can sympahthise with me

1)stretching exercise
Some stretching exercises can help increase the height enhancing process during puberty. After puberty the stretching exercises can still help correct a person posture. Youl be surprised by how much of Height is hidden behind your slouched back. You can, at any age, add an inch or two of height by simply improving your posture.

a)basic leg stretch
While sitting down, spread your legs far apart. Reach for your toes. Try to keep your knees as straight as possible. Now move into reaching for the toes on the other leg. Be sure to keep your spine straight and move from your hips. Do not arch the upper spine. This stretch works both your spine and legs. Each repetition should last between 6-15 seconds.

2)sleep
Human growth hormone (HGH) is a substance released by a pea like structure deep inside the brain just behind the eyes. This substance is mostly released during the first couple of hours of sleep and after exercise. Its function is to stimulate growth in human body up until the end of puberty. so sleep well!!! u shd sleep 6 to 8 hours a day

CHarisma part 2

2008-01-29T08:09:00.000-08:00

this is a continuation from my previous entry, so please read the previous entry below first if u haven done so so tat this part will come in the right order. and everything will make sense.

erm.......here i go

charisma by itself does not constitute leadership and is only as good as artificial flavouring if not supported by character.

i would like to point out one danger that i see where ppl blindly follow those who had charisma they admire without thinking about what is right or wrong. there is always a danger tat we will get so captivated by a person charisma that we end up worshipping the person like god without knowing it and we totally close our logical mind to whether the person is doing right or wrong. i have seen followers of successful and charismatic person imitating their idol in the way they talk, blindly quoting phrases from them and would defend their idol fiercely at the slightly accusation. this is really disturbing becos lots of bad eggs out there have fantastic charisma. in fact, it is becos of their charisma tat they are able to use it to cheat and manipulate. if we are emotionally naive, we can be used by ppl easily. hitler has lots of charisma and his whole nation listened to him and follow him even though his teaching dosent make the slightest sense.

for those of u that have charisma or think that u have charisma, i am of cos not shooting u. but i would like to point out tat there is danger in it. u may urself be so captivated by ur own charisna as well as the attention that others give u that u start to develope a superstar attitude and think that u are very important and ppl need to treat u like god. u become very self centre and forget the worth of leader comes from those he is leading. without them, wad ur use? and u may also start to become proud conceited and arrogant and insenstive to others. if that the case, charisma becomes ur liability and poison. charisma is something many dream of having, but fo those tat truly has it, the job of guarding it is really no child play. it may take over you anytime.

charisma is at its ultimate beauty when coupled with humility, if u can be so captivating, and yet more so humble and sincere , then beauty will just ooze from u. i have met quite afew of this kind of ppl. sadly, the top notch leaders in the world are not of this quality, at least not the majority. so, if u have charisma, dun forget about humility. use your charisma wisely and build people up, not stumble people.

so , all in all, i would summarise in the following points.

1) charisma is gift and talent, not something that everybody can have.

2)charisma is not a must for leadership, responsibility and the care and concern for people is.

3)people who have charisma aint in anyway superior to people who do not. there is no need to force out charisma, do wad is natural to u.

4) we should not judge people base on charisma, people who do not have charisma have other beautiful qualities and bad people on the other hand may have lots of charisma.

5)charisma can get out of control and enslave u if u are not careful

6)charisma plus humility=absolute beauty!!!!

charisma?

2008-01-28T04:18:00.000-08:00

target audience: anyone who is in leadership position, particularly band leaders.

is charisma the most important quality in leadership? charisma, according to my own personal definition is the kind of personality sparkle that command attention and admiration, and as a result can appeal to a large number of people. in chinese u call this "mei li". it may come in the form of ur own unique personal style( that is enchanting), ur good public speaking skill ability, or ur sense of humour, or the X factor that just make ppl like u

indeed, charisma is something tat will aid u trememndously especially if u are in a leadership position, and tat charisma is something that comes natural to you. but no, i do not think that charisma is a must have.

firstly, i think we need to understand that charisma is a natural gift, not something everybody is born with and it is also not something that anybody and everybody can just easily accquire. for some people, speakiing in front of a large crowd is something that they can naturally do well,and putting humour into a topic is like flicking fingers . but for others, even giving a one minute speech can be challenging and difficult. all of us, leaders and non leaders alike, have to face the reality exceedingly few people have the natural gift of charisma and if we only base our judgement on leaders based on this quality, then most ppl would not qualify.

if you are in a leadership position and charisma is not your natural gift, please do not try to force it out. there is really no need to purposely make yourself something you are not. no point trying to imitate someone whom you think has alot of charisma by imitating the way he talks and no point trying to "copy " the "sense of humour" of other people. trust me, the effect will come out very awful when u try to be someone you are not. there is absolutely nothing to be ashame of or feel inferior about. everybody is different and we all have different significance.

i think it is possible to be a fantastic leader without charisma( of course, wad is a good leader is a subjective question), i think a good leader need to have the more down to earth qualities and inner virtues instead of just external flowery appeal. hardwork commitment , dedication as well as care and concern for ur members is something that is very important. u need to have ur sense of responsibility and take things and people seriously and put ur memeber interest before urself. All these qualities charisma cannot replace.

as i am a band member, i will use the example of my experience. i know one conductor( i will not mention any names here of cos) who is not very charismatic, who is quite old, slow in speech and all tat. but yet he is very dedicated, nice and care tremendously for his student. there was once he had a harp player entering his band and he even specially wrote to the composer of the piece he is playing for syf to write a harp part so tat this harp player can benefit frm the experience. this harp player is so motivated and the band did well for syf. So, i think motivation dont neccessary need charisma to come about. on the other hand, i have also know conductor who has fantastic charisma, fantastic band teaching, fantastic band but are nevertheless bastards.

i will stop here for today but i will continue on another entry, see above for the next part.haha

boy girl relationship

2008-01-24T06:37:00.000-08:00

target audience: anyone out there that is interested

I will discuss this topic again on my first major return entry. hear my rant again! haha. erm......i dunnoe how many of you believe that in your life there is one right person whom you will eventually meet you somehow will know that person will be the one whom you will spend your life with.
some people believe in it while some poeple do not. but many people out there are trying so HArd to find what they believe is call love and many end up being hurt and disillusioned.

I believe that true love is that kind of self sacrificial spirit and that selfless desire in which you want the best for your partner. true love is about being the source of encouragement and comfort when the other person need it. it is a very deep kind of emotional and spiritual union in which you find fufillment when you do something for your partner.

but in our sex craz society, the definition of true love seem to be very much influence by lust and that is y the way we express our so call "love"has taken such a physical form.( hugging, kissing, touch everywhere and whats not). in my opinion, a relationship built on the foundation of true love could not possibility be built withnin one or two days. one day a boy see a girl and he got attracted by her beauty and thinks she is hot. he go and approach her and they become to chat. and the next day, they went steadand everyday tell each other argh! i love u babu/ . this is all too common nowadays. my only question: is that call love? the deep emotional union that we talk about earlier. developed in 2 days?? and the word love was keep being mentioned. tat is y relationship are so fragile nowadays and many ppl have "loved" countless times in their lives.

i would like to point out 2 basic difference between love and lust.
1) lust is self centred, possesive in natural and often have the tendency to bring hurt. when you keep wanting to touch your girlfriend even when she push you away, that kind of desire is definetly selffish.

2) lust needs to manisfest itself in physical forms, while in tue love, you feel close to each other even when you are miles apart. even when you are close to each other, u can feel the perfect feeling without having touch here touch there.

what can keep a relationship going and steady? i have a list below to let u consider...
1)hour glass figure
2)big boobs
3)sexy butt
4) hour glass figure
5)big bicepts
6) six pack
7)pretty or handsome face.
8) humorous personality and charisma
9)smooth skin.

yes, i hope your answer is none of the above. but too bad some of these things became the foundation which ppl built their relationship on when they stead.

so let me pose the question once again, is your love really love?

hey i am back!!!!

2008-01-24T06:30:00.000-08:00

hey guys!! after so long no blog, i have decided to make a comeback and during this period, i really have so much to say and so much to convey.....haha. as there are many grps of ppl i would like to appeal to, i will state my target audience at the start of each entry so that my message get to the right people. otherwise some of my entries will seem confusing as only the specific group will understand certain details. haha. see u guys then.

2007-08-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

what society goes after is not what i go after money and success and fame and glory , does having them make a person better? in the society's mad pursuit for all these we all become chess on a chess plate that is blindly manipulated to be machine like ( we wont admit this of course) to just produce the output we are supposed to produce, and in the end we become selffish and unfeeling. we are being competitive , and the way competitiveness works is that our joy is built on others agaony. everybody wants to win,but sadly there is only one winner., everybody else has to lose and be miserable. so, if u are one that wants to win, isnt it true that ur happiness is built on others' agony. isnt it true that u will hope that other will feel bad in losing so that u can feel happy in winning?

2007-08-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

i was thinking about what is the kind of person i want to be, i think its hard to be one everybody likes, but i will try to be a sincere person that is truthful to others, and be one that is more kind others. i have alot to learn, and i feel so lost sometimes and dunnoe wad to do. why are we sometimes so judgemental and attack the weak points of others so relentlessly? does hurting the person change the person?

2007-03-02T07:09:00.000-08:00

hi folks. i was talking ms amanda lau on msn and she told me she hAs some inspiration for me to post on the blog. here it goes.

) says:
lol
: ) says:
or u can read bout me
: ) says:
lemme give u some ideas!
: ) says:
amanda is v nice.
: ) says:
she is also cute.
: ) says:
she is e nicest person in e world.
: ) says:
LOL
: ) says:
k done

haha.

2007-02-14T08:23:00.000-08:00

i shall start this post by quoting from a book. here it goes,"what then, is love in marriage? it starts out as romantic, passionate love, heavy on the sexual juices. BUT this early love is just a temporary form of insanity. it attracts male to female and gets the whole dating business going. one cannot expects to be romantically in love for the next 50 years"

well, it is indeed dangerous to build an relationship based on just infatuation or strong feelings. when we get into relationship, we need to look beyond romance and look at reality. u cant hope to stay romantic for the next 50 years. handsome and pretty faces dont last. sexy figure will one day become saggy. are we going to say our relationship and love is one which only think about romance and beauty. i deeply believe that relationship which are built only on romance is a selfish relatioship becausE WE CARE ONLY ABOUT WHAT WE CAN GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND NOT WHAT WE CAN GIVE IN TO IT. the person becoms like a tool which we use to fufill our need( the crazy hormone caused infatuation and the desire for physically arousal ingtereaction).

if this is the case, can we say that the relationship is one of love?

my thoughs

2007-02-11T08:09:00.000-08:00

erm long time have not been blogging. since now i am more free, i shallpost regularly, to do elijah and other ppl who have supported me in this blog justice.haha. erm. O levels was realeased last friday and many of the ppl i know did very well. my secondary school principal was over the moon and she kept cheering for the pupils who did well. admist all the happiness about gd results and bright future, a sudden chill and despondent ran through my heart. we Have put so much focus on results and intelligence. our society is an elistic one, talking all day about doing well, being the top, and it favours those who are in the "higher class". everybody talks about As and distinction. for me, i cant help but feel a sudden sense of sadness overwhelm my heart, we HAve been so focus on getting gd results, gaining fame, winning glory that we HAve become in a way cold in our heart and we forget about our personal values. when we want to do well, we are not really keen learners, but instead, we are ppl who have a hunger of pride in us that we want to fufill, we need personal glory and personal achivement, we want to be on par on others, we want to win others, and in this elitics society we HAve become more and more selfish. MONEY. SUCCESS . GOOD GRADE. there is no way these can fit themselves into a perfect chord with love for ppl. how can u not be selfish when u want to win others? what about those who do not do as well? are they less intelligent than others and therefore not deserving of equality in the eyes of society? does a high ranking CEO worth more than everybody else?...........to be continued